You are never too old to learn.

Or at least that is what the fortune cookie from Fire.bowl Cafe said.  I'm addicted to said place.  I know they put some sort of addictive chemical in their food.  I did not like that fortune for two reasons.  One,  because that is not a fortune.  Two, because it implies, sorta, that I have a lot to learn.  I do, about comma placement,as you have undoubtedly seen.  But it is appropriate.  You see lately I've learned a lot.  I learned that hydrocodone is the generic form of Vicodin.  All this time I had Vicodin, two FULL bottles to be exact, and never knew it.  But the sad part is.. it turns out I don't do well on Vicodin.  When I took it, I thought I was dying.  So I never took another.  Ambien, now that's some candy I'd like to get my hands on. 

The other thing I learned:  Panties have a tag and if the panties are on correctly, the tag will be on the left.  "Holy Shit", I screamed.  For thirties years I had always wondered if my panties were on correctly.  I'd be sitting at work and my panties would ride up my ass.  Why?  Because they were on BACKWARDS.  Now I know.  And I can thank Peter Falk.  No, he wasn't in my bedroom.  There was an episode of Columbo about it.  Can't you just picture Falk, brow furrowed, asking, "I just have one more question... why was the tag of the victims panties on the right side?" 

So, as I have illustrated, you are never too old to learn.  Have you learned anything recently you'd care to share?

Monica

Comments

[DD]

You are seriously freaking me out. How could you not tell the front from the back with your underwear?

Thongs?

[Monica]

He DD! I wear what are known as "granny panties". Cotton, usually white. There is a slight difference between the front and the back, but not much. And in my post-slumber haze and the semi-darkness of the room, I've put them on backwards a few times. I'm not proud of it either.

[Monica H]

I have put undies on backwards before, but quickly realized after I put them on something wasn't right. I've never gone to work with them that way :-)

I too, love the comma. I use it excessively.

Hmmm?-Something I've learned recently...how about "all other drank are $2.04"!

[Michelle Z]

TOO FUNNY! My husband wanted to name our son Columbo. I THINK he was kidding ...

[mrsjenpeters]

i learned recently that by giving up on the hope of my son ever sleeping through the night, still getting up with him 2x doesn't feel so depressing and awful.

i also learned that *it's ok* if i don't CIO even though dh and the ped tell me i should. i let ds feel "distress" just like the books say i should in some things, but i don't think i should let him cry all night (and i can't, just can't do it. kudos to those that can, they have babies that sleep through the night so i am insanely jealous of their iron wills. but i can't do it). it doesn't make me a bad parent and he'll turn out fine. i think. ;)

[Kristi]

I've learned that my son sleeps for his grandmother as well as he sleeps for me. I was scared that he would stay up all night for her.

[mkv]

Hmmm...makes me look at my underwear completely different. ;)

[hennifer]

Well hello! I realized I haven't checked in for a while and that I'm still able to catch up. Your boy is still adorable and this post totally cracked me up!

Sadly, I've learned over the last year that no matter how beautiful, wonderful, talented, precocious your kids are their father willl never shape up and step up, that he will be content to be a mostly absentee father and think nothing of it. boo.

(sorry, words of a bitter, soon-to-be divorcee)

[Sunny]

I just got back from the beach and I learned... I am too old to go clubbing with the young girls. HA! I thought it was SO stupid!

[Monica LeMoine]

Great blog and wonderful question! I've learned that I'm a survivor, that I've got a vast reserve of raunchy humor to get me through the hardballs that life throws at me, and that I love Weetabix cereal. I've also learned that I have a love-hate relationship with blogging.