My father is a Vietnam vet. He doesn't talk much about it. All I know is that he was stationed near Da Nang. A few grainy pictures of daddy, the olive green of his uniform saturating the picture are the only thing that he shares. Once I stumbled upon is honorable discharge papers while looking for a copy of my elementary school records. However every year we always made a point to tell him, "Happy Veteran's Day". Sometimes we took him out to dinner. A few years ago, I asked him where he wanted to go for dinner for Veteran's Day. His answer surprised me. "Nowhere", he replied. He said he couldn't go out and eat steak knowing that young men and women were stuck in Iraq and Afghanistan on the front lines eating K (or was it C) rations. I asked, "are you sure?". "Yes, until they all come home", was his reply.
I feel the same way about Mother's Day. Although this is not my first Mother's Day, it is my first with a live baby. I'm not going to go out to eat tomorrow with Andy in tow. I won't wear a corsage and wait with the masses to eat Sunday Brunch. I just can't do it. It doesn't feel right. I read on another blog (I'll be damned but I can't remember whose) a similar sentiment. I can't take Andy out to eat while some other woman at the next table didn't get to take her baby home. So I'm letting my DH know tomorrow we are staying in. "Until they all come home (from the hospital) I say."
PS. I am taking my mother to Luby's today for Mother's Day. It is all she wanted.
Monica
edited to add: my DH hacked me off by giving me a card that read, "Happy First Mother's Day". I didn't even know what to say so I said nothing. I guess our first baby didn't count.
I feel exactly the same way. I am just so uncomfortable with it. I am cooking dinner for my mom, but that is just regular, I don't want to make a big deal out of mothers day. I can't help but think of all those mothers without their babies, and also, it annoys me that other people suddenly think I get to celebrate it.
Posted by: ms g | May 10, 2008 at 08:53 AM
Ms. G.. THANK YOU!! I hate the fact that someone at my job said, "so, your first Mother's Day...". Uh, actually, I was pregnant with Jimmy on Mother's Day of 06, pregnant with Andy on Mother's Day of 07, so technically this is my THIRD Mother's Day. But I didn't say anything to him. He's a nice guy. It's just that to some people, if you don't get to take the baby home, you don't have a baby. It's like they never existed.
Posted by: Monica | May 10, 2008 at 09:15 AM
I've gotten the "Happy First Mother's Day!" a few times this week. Even from people who I thought knew better. I just remember how hard it was for me last year, and I know tomorrow will be a really rough day for a lot of women.
Posted by: Jenn (froggy-mom) | May 10, 2008 at 10:10 AM
Rough day indeed. Last year I boycotted this day. Tomorrow is looking the same. Except we are going to have a casual lunch at my in-laws house.
Posted by: Monica H | May 10, 2008 at 11:31 AM
I couldn't agree more Monica. It's exactly how I feel about it. I can't EVER imagine the day being a celebration. I just can't see myself celebrating a day that all of my children can't participate in. My husband is taking me out tonight, although he isn't calling it a Mother's Day celebration.
It's a sucky day, and I would be much happier going to sleep tonight and waking up on Monday.
Posted by: becky | May 10, 2008 at 02:33 PM
I've always thought it was a miserable Hallmark holiday. I mean, a forced day to celebrate? It's been a rough holiday for our family for years - my aunt died on Mother's Day when I was 11.
Last year on Mother's Day Ruby & I came home from the hospital - without Lydia. I don't even want to leave the house tomorrow. Stupid holiday.
Posted by: Michelle Z | May 10, 2008 at 04:16 PM
Did you see the article in the paper today about Secret Mother's Day? I scanned it quickly, it was at the cafe we had lunch at & of course Ethan wanted to be held. I thought it was nice of the author to acknowledge mothers whose babies aren't with them.
DH is cooking dinner for me tomorrow & there's a gift from him & Ethan waiting for me, but I get what you're saying, I wouldn't want to go out for dinner & CELEBRATE, it's still very bittersweet for me. I've caught myself tearing up a couple of times the past few days.
Posted by: Kristi | May 10, 2008 at 06:16 PM
I think the day is bittersweet. It is a hard day for me for a different reason, but I am allowing my husband to do something for me, because I have to get beyond that hurt.
Posted by: Rachel | May 10, 2008 at 06:49 PM
Monica- HE DOES COUNT! As you know, husbands can be insensitive at times, but they mean well. I don't think he meant to hurt you in any way. But if I were you, I'd let him know how you feel. He needs to know.
Posted by: Monica H | May 20, 2008 at 11:58 PM
hopefully your dh didn't mean anything by it. i'm sure he was actually trying to be very sweet. but sometimes, you have to wonder what goes through their heads. while this was my first mother's day with oliver, i was pregnant with him last mother's day, AND i've been a stop mom for 6 years. but this is the first year i even heard "happy mother's day".
Posted by: mrsjenpeters | May 23, 2008 at 08:25 AM