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October 20, 2007



I am morally unfit. I accept that. I hate being late, although sometimes I am. Get over it.

"I wanted to be there, even if they did not want me there. I'm sure they probably think I should be over it." Monica, you're ridiculous. Who said we didn't want you there? Why do you feel we don't want you there? Of course we want you there. I emailed you and asked if you were coming. If no one else, I WANT you there. Is it because you feel like you should be over it that you feel that way? Does that make sense? When I was pregnant with Jack I felt like he knew he was a replacement for Sam even though I told myself he wasn't. I still felt like I betrayed him, both of them. Neither one are here and I still feel guilt about that. I can't pretend to know what you are feeling, because I haven't been in your position, but I/we don't think you should be over it. Sam died over a year ago and Jack almost 8 months ago and I'm still not over it.

Having another baby in your arms does not in any way replace the one you lost, the one you long for. If it did, I would be stealing babies left and right. Feel what you feel, and don't apologize for it.


Funny. I've had to get over my similar hatred of lateness just by being married to my husband. He is unable to get out the door on time no matter how well I plan things. I'll say, "we need to leave at 8:10 to get there by 8:30," and we'll both be ready at 8:10 but it somehow takes him an extra 10 minutes to get out the door. I don't get it.

I'm not expecting you to be over the pain of losing Jimmy. I expect you still must be getting over the stress of being scared you'd lose Andy too.

Good deal on the improving breastfeeding sessions and good for you for working so hard at it.


Ah, breastfeeding. Why is something that in theory should be so simple actually so tough? I had the worst time with Ben. We did finally figure it out, but it seemed as if it took forever.

I for one did not expect you to get over Jimmy simply by virtue of having Andy.

(And I don't think anyone else did, either.)

So...where are some more pictures? No pressure, mind you. ;)


It's hard for me to imagine that your support group -- of all people -- would think that you should be "over it." Did someone say something to you, or is this just your own fear?


So, Andy shows off for the lactation consultant and then gives you trouble at home, eh? Little stinker. Seriously, though, I'm so happy it's starting to work better for you.

I agree with what the others have said about Jimmy. No one should expect you to be "over it." Not ever.

I'm also a punctuality fanatic. I guess I'll have my comeuppance, too.


What a cutie!!! I admit it... I'm often late, not always, but often. I think I live in denial of the passage of time. I imagine that I can accomplish more than I really can and then I eventually pay for it. I regret that I inconvenience others at times and I always feel embarrassed when it happens. I wake up earlier, set out earlier, and sometimes it works... and then sometimes I get caught up in something I think I can accomplish in time and then am suddenly running late. Yep, kids will make you late in ways you never imagined :). You will be amazed!! I can't blame all my tardiness on them though!! Life seems to be an adventure and an obstacle course...
BTW - Once I learned to nurse lying down, it was a God-send!!!


first off, there was a woman at my support group on friday night; her first time. she was so scared to go, thinking she wouldn't fit in, wouldn't have anything of value to contribute... she lost her 2 boys 40 and 37 years ago. we were all so grateful for her insight and experiences. we all told her we hoped she would be back.

not only do you probably have invaluable insight for your support group, but your honest emotional updates here help too. we have very recently decided not to try again...for many reasons, but my personal reason is that another baby cannot erase, but most likely REMIND. if i'm honest with MYself, i'll admit i only want another baby to take paige's place. that's not good.

thank you for being so honest about that.


My fear of going to the support was if a new couple came & then if people kept asking us about Andy & Ethan, not giving another couple a chance to share their story.

But then I couldn't drive myself & ended up taking a nap instead. I do plan to attend in the future, at least once in a while, around the holidays, etc...

Jenny W.

How can you have me crying and then laughing in the same post??? You have the right to feel sad for Jimmy until you are one hundred and two and that is o.k. People that don't understand that are not worth your time...I am just so sorry for what you have been through. No person should have to endure that much pain.

LMAO...As far as the lateness goes...really? You think it's a moral defect??? Wow, if there is a hell, I am really going to split the pit...I would say it all started with Emily, but that is sooo not the truth! It's just that now instead of being five minutes late, we are usually twenty five minutes late. Don't worry, though, you'll get the hang of this baby thing quickly and you'll be back to your punctual self in no time!

P.S. Please call me if you need anything. Can we bring you dinner again this week?


Totally off topic, but I want to know how the diaper gig is going. Are you doing cloth diapers like you talked about?


Those babies teach you a lot of humility, don't they?

I am so happy you have Andy, and I am so sorry you don't have Jimmy here too. I don't expect you to be "over it." If anything, I think moments of grief at this time are completely normal, and to be expected.

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